My Ultimate List of Chain Restaurant Dishes

If you haven't had this at Cracker Barrel, have you even lived?

Hello!

Hope you had something delicious this past week. It’s my most favorite time of the year: holiday rom com season! I have an absurdly high tolerance for Hallmark Channel movies, and I’ve always wanted to write one myself. I also have always wanted to write a piece on why Hallmark movies have so many chefs/bakers as their main characters (if someone wants to commission this, please email me!)

I just like the way these movies really get me to turn my brain off. It’s peak all vibes, zero thoughts which is what all of our brains needs sometimes. (I most recently watched EXmas the new holiday rom com on Prime, and it checked all the boxes, if you are looking for one to watch.)  Also I cannot believe it has been almost a month since I first launched this newsletter and how fast it is growing (there are way over 1,000+ of you who subscribed) and that means so much. 

For this week’s guide, I thought I would shake it up and drop it on a Tuesday, given that Thursday is Thanksgiving. I am currently writing this from my teenage-era bedroom at my parents’ house in suburban Michigan, the land of chain restaurants. It’s the perfect place to write from, given today’s topic: My list of the greatest of all time, absolute banger dishes from chain restaurants. 

(This is not one of them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

In-N-Out Animal Fries are NOT on the list. Photo by Kevin Lanceplaine on Unsplash

A lot of food writers tend to turn their noses up at chain restaurants, or have no desire to cover them, even if they do eat at them. I have always had a genuine soft spot for chains, though, and not from a “hehe look at how cute and kitschy it is for me to be a food writer and love Taco Bell,” perspective. I am incredibly aware of the privilege I have to dine out the way I do/way I have. And the amount of privilege it takes to be in a place where chain restaurants are simply amongst the many restaurant options I have to choose from. 

I understand that chain restaurant politics are not always the best. They could — and most definitely should — do better from a sourcing and human labor perspective. But, I love that chains are the common denominator of restaurants: most people have access to them and most people can afford to eat at them. There is something really powerful about that, and it feels insane to dismiss this when covering the food world. Chains are also a bedrock of innovation when it comes to both food and technology (see the Doritos Locos Taco and Starbucks Rewards App). And you know an ingredient has really made it in the American culinary lexicon when you start seeing it on chain menus! 

Chain restaurants are also one of my favorite things to check out when traveling abroad. They are incredibly good at the concept of localization, or adapting the menu to champion beloved local foods and flavors. If I am being honest, I always find it fascinating that America invented fast food chains, but other countries perfected it. Expect a future newsletter to make the case for why McDonald’s India might be the greatest chain restaurant of all time. 

Alright let’s get into it! (and if you feel like anything is missing, feel free to leave a comment below!)

My List of Ultimate Chain Bangers

Best when soft and slightly underbaked! (Subway Canada/Facebook)

White Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut Cookie | Subway 
I hate the smell of Subway bread and will never tell you to eat a sandwich. They do make the best cookies in the fast food game, though.  I am extremely partial to the white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookie though, especially when they are soft and fresh out of the oven. (These are only mind blowing when slightly underbaked, so do not buy a crispy one and then get mad at me.) The sweetness of the white chocolate chips, the fatty, salty hit from the macadamia nut. It’s one of the best chain desserts out there. 

McGriddle Egg & Cheese | McDonald’s 
The McGriddle is one of the best examples of chain innovation around. They are essentially thick pancakes rippling with MAPLE SYRUP CRYSTALS, so each bite gets a hit of caramely sweetness without any of the stickiness that comes with actual maple syrup. Pair with eggs and cheese (and sausage or bacon if you like), and it’s the perfect sweet-salty-fatty breakfast sandwich around. 

make sure to get fudge below and above the ice cream (McDonald’s/Facebook)

Hot Fudge Sundae | McDonald’s 
When the machines aren’t “broken,” the soft serve at McDonald’s is a superior product, especially in a sundae format. The key to this sundae is to make sure to order hot fudge both below the ice cream and on top (it will be a slight up charge). This way you get hot fudge, in that perfect temperature window between warm and cold, in every bite. 

Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito | Taco Bell
I bet you were expecting to see something like the Crunchwrap Supreme on this list. While I do love them, especially as a texture fiend, my go-to order is actually off the value menu at Taco Bell. The cheesy bean and rice burrito, with this important modification, ADD RED SAUCE ADD ONIONS, is incredibly filling and is peak comfort food, Adding red sauce, which is their enchilada sauce, prevents it from being dry, and adding raw onion is the thing that makes their classic bean burritos so good. 

I prefer these mozz sticks with a side of ranch.

Mozzarella Sticks, Jamocha Coffee Shake | Arby’s 
Not enough chains offer mozzarella sticks, Out of the ones that do, Arby’s is the best in the game. Thick, flavorful breading, fried to order, side of ranch, plenty of gooey cheese. They are perfect. Best with a mini Jamocha coffee shake, which is maybe the dumbest name of all time (Java + Mocha = Jamocha). But the combo of coffee and chocolate is truly superior and not commonly found as a milkshake! 

I love the golden edges of the cracker barrel pancakes!

Buttermilk Pancakes | Cracker Barrel 
Everyone is shocked when I say that Cracker Barrel’s pancakes are my platonic ideal pancake that I compare all other pancakes to. The buttermilk pancakes are cooked in a ton of butter on a griddle and get that golden crispy edge while maintaining a fluffy interior. The pancakes arrive with a generous pat of melty butter and warm bottle of syrup. It’s consistently one of the best plate of pancakes I’ve ever had. (The coffee, the eggs, and basically everything else on the menu though could use some work!) I am also obsessed with the completely deranged/delulu old country store that is attached to each Cracker Barrel location and the selection of rocking chairs each restaurant sells. 

#6 on Sliced Wheat | Jimmy John’s 
I love this sandwich so much that I ask every deli I go to to essentially make a dupe of it for me. It’s the perfect cold vegetarian sandwich. Bread, light amount of mayo, provolone (but not too much), tons of cold crisp shredduce, tomato slices, cucumber slices for crunch, and avocado spread. No notes. 

the spin dip (never understood the small cup of salsa that comes with it) (Applebee’s/Facebook)

Spinach and Artichoke Dip, Mashed Potatoes | Applebee’s 
The spinach and artichoke dip from Applebee’s is the perfect appetizer and it comes with the best, super thin, wonderfully salty tortilla chips. Honestly, I could eat this as meal alone. Sometimes I like to add a side of their mashed potatoes, which might be my most controversial take on this list. I love Applebee’s mashed potatoes, which have bits of potato skin in them. It’s the first place I ever ate mashed potatoes, so perhaps there is a sense of nostalgia that is tied to this, but they are really good and not too rich! I don’t always want Robuchon level mashed potatoes that are essentially 80 percent butter to 20 percent potato. 

Egg Bites | Starbucks
If you follow me on Instagram, you will be zero percent surprised to see this on the list. I have been a long time evangelist for these glorious little silky pucks of sous-vide eggs. I live off of these at airports or whenever I am on the road. The texture is truly incredible, especially the version with bits of mushroom and kale. And they are healthy? A bonus. 

wendy’s baked potato with cheese and broccoli Photo by Yolanda Djajakesukma on Unsplash

Baked Potato | Wendy’s 
They are the only chain to make serve baked potatoes across the country and I am mad more places don’t do it. A baked potato is the best, I need something fast meal if you don’t have to bake the potato yourself. 

Eggplant Parm | Olive Garden 
Okay hear me out, Olive Garden’s eggplant parm is actually the ideal eggplant parm! It’s a thin slice of eggplant with a thin layer of breading. Too many eggplant parms have way too much breading resulting in something that is thick and oily and not very eggplant-y. Olive Garden’s is crispy and won’t put you into an immediate food coma — unless you eat a whole basket of breadsticks with it. The spaghetti they serve with the parm can go straight into the trash though. 

Trust me, this is worth it.

Egg & Cheese Wraps, Maple-Frosted Coffee Roll | Dunkin’ 
My favorite suburban breakfast is two egg and cheese wraps from Dunkin’, with the American cheese swiped out for a slice of white cheddar (the superior cheese!). Then order a side of hashbrowns (6 small round hash browns to an order). Open each wrap and place three hash browns inside, and then fold back up. It’s essentially the perfect breakfast taco (even better if you happen to have a packet of Taco Bell sauce on hand). And while I find most of the donuts at Dunkin’ to be completely mid, the maple frosted coffee roll (no nuts) is a work of art. Lots of great maple flavor and it unwinds like a super fluffy cinnamon roll. 

Veggie Burger, Cheese Fries | Culver’s 
There’s always that debate about who makes a better burger, Shake Shack or In-N-Out, and the answer is actually Culver’s. The midwestern chain is rapidly expanding and is known for their seriously good butter burgers. But their secret weapon is the veggie burger, which is actually made from vegetables, unlike most fast food veggie burgers, Culver’s is also home to the best cheese sauce in existence. It’s silky, smooth, super cheesy, never clumpy, and perfect for dipping fries into. 

My favorite pre-flight meal at Detroit airport.

Tofu Lettuce Wraps | P.F. Chang’s
It’s technically an appetizer, but I eat this as my meal. The tiny, crispy pieces of tofu are tossed with diced mushrooms and tons of finely chopped water chestnuts which is what gives this dish its signature crunch. The filling gets tossed with a super gingery sauce and served with crunchy, fresh romaine or iceberg lettuce leaves for wrapping. I could eat these every day.  Shoutout to the location in the Detroit airport, it makes for an excellent pre-flight meal.

Pacifica Veggie Thin Crust Pizza | Domino’s 
The thin crust pizza is the ultimate move at Domino’s. It’s cracker thin and cut into squares and is never greasy or overly heavy the way a lot of chain pizzas can be. The best topping situation though is the Pacifica Veggie which is like a veggie supreme but better! Provolone, mozzarella, baby spinach, black olives, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, and most importantly feta! More pizza should have feta!!

Spring Rolls | Panda Express 
Yes we all love the orange chicken and the fried rice and the lo mein, but the secret star of the menu is the spring rolls. They are so consistent every single time. Perfectly fried, not too greasy, not too much filling, just enough salt. 

perfect w/ barbecue sauce (papa john’s)

Cheesesticks w/ BBQ Sauce | Papa John’s 
I do not like Papa John’s pizza, but their cheese sticks are another story, The dough essentially gets lathered with their garlic sauce, topped with tons of gooey mozzarella and then baked until bubbly and melty. It comes with their pizza sauce (which does not have enough flavor). The real move is to order a cup of the barbecue sauce for dipping. The cheese and garlic with the sweet-sour-spice of the barbecue sauce is *chefs kiss.* 

I definitely left off some favorites, so I will be back with a part two to this one day — including my truly ridiculous and completely deranged favorite order at McDonald’s (not on this list because it requires a little too much customization). Curious to know what your favorite chain bangers are? Let me know in the comments! 

And as always, please share this with anyone who might like to read this or might have opinions. 

I will be dropping my essential Austin guide and a guide to actually useful food gifts in the next couple of weeks. Become a (paid) subscriber if you want access to those!