My Delusional McDonald's Order
aka meet the all toppings burger
Hello!
It’s wild how fast the days move sometimes. I cannot believe we are already a full week into March. I haven’t eaten much that is interesting this month — just more uninspired red sauce restaurants with steep price points — but something I find myself think about a lot is my friend Frankie Gaw’s charming as hell Instagram series “turning American classics Asian,” where he reimagines if American products like Twinkies and Lunchables where made with Asian flavors in mind. The Lunchables are now gua bao kit and he makes Twinkies into Twunkies, which are are mochi cakes in flavors like strawberry matcha. Frankie is a brilliant graphic designer too, so his reinvented packaging, which is always incredibly clever and often funny, might be the best part. (If you don’t already own it, this is a good time to buy Frankie’s book First Generation). I would really like a lot of these to be real, so if you’re someone with a ton of money to invest, please hit up Frankie and make this real.
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While Frankie most recently transformed a Happy Meal into a Grandma meal, I am going to reveal my delulu McDonald’s order, which converts the cheeseburger into a veggie burger. I have long railed against the fact that most American fast food restaurants fail to carry any notable meatless options — especially vegetarian burgers made from actual vegetables. McDonald’s doesn’t even have a fake meat option on their menu in America. They don’t have a single meat-free main item after the breakfast menu ends, which is truly wild in 2024. (McDonald’s does have incredible vegetarian and vegan options abroad though — make it make sense.)
American McDonald’s is not my chain of choice — that honor goes to Taco Bell — but sometimes, there really just is nothing else around. And when that happens that is what I order: A cheeseburger with no meat. Add lettuce, tomato, and light mayo. And emphasis that you do want to keep the cheese part, just not the burger part. It helps to preface this order by saying “this is a weird order,” or to just order through the app. (I personally do not think it actually is a weird order, and McDonald’s should just put this option on the menu!!)
It’s essentially an all toppings burger, no meat. But when you add up what already comes on a cheeseburger: cheese, those great diced onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard and add sliced tomatoes, a pile of shredded lettuce, and little mayo, it sort of feels like a gently deranged deli sandwich between two buns. It costs a few cents to add lettuce, tomato, and mayo to your cheeseburger but it still remains one of the more affordable options on the menu. (I have some thoughts on the prices of fast food these days that I will save for a future newsletter, but if you had told me that McFlurry’s would cost $6 in LA in 2024, I would have never believed you!) If you are a hungry adult, you definitely will need to order two of the all toppings burger to feel full given that they are much daintier than a burger with a thick vegetable patty.
This is my official petition for McDonald’s to officially add the All Toppings burger to menu — especially if it is never going to add a veggie burger to the menu.
Curious to know what your favorite fast food vegetarian options are. Would you order an all toppings burger? Let me know in the comments!
This is kind of genius (and reminiscent of the Veggie Sandwich you can order at 5 Guys, which is also basically a burger with all the toppings and no meat). I don't understand how McDonalds in other countries can offer multiple veg/vegan options but here we get nothing!
my friends once laughed at my *very late night* order being - a quarter pounder with cheese, all the fixings, no meat. the joke was “a quarter pound of what?” I think in my head I’d be getting a larger bun, more cheese, something!